abwhite
blandman
btchelicious
cindie-loo
d-crash
darrylzero
deathblossom
golfwidow
heidiann
maticus
minidragon
mollyx
mr-sparkles
pirategirl
pitty-sing
squirrelx
tankgirl455
tattodnanny
vyv-xx
whatiwas
zantimisfit

diaryquotes
fleeting-gem
fuckmeharder
oddgoogle
peteandray
puckle
sexisviolent
troubledteen
twelvebeer
whyihateyou

daemondreams
fridge-love
matsoncrack
postcard-loo
studio-loo
t-shirt-loo

Well, in belated response to my own curiosity on the subject, I finally got around to doing some research on the Pro-Anorexia movement. I found many notable websites, and I have to say that they really put things in perspective. In fact, these sites were very encouraging to me.

They encouraged me to get off my damn diet before it gets out of hand and I end up looking like this.

Jesus Christ. I knew a little bit about the psychological side of anorexia, but there's nothing like hearing it right from the horse's mouth. You go on the message boards and stuff on these sites, and the people are just insane. They're paranoid out of their minds. They think that when people try to get them to eat regular portions of food, it's because they don't want them to be free and strong and independent enough to starve themselves.

I did find something kind of funny, however, when I was reading a detailed list of instructions on how to not-eat in public without anybody noticing: "Be good company. Others are less likely to care about your eating habits if you have much more fascinating things with which to attract their attention." Dude, how about this: if you're good company, and people like spending time with you, they're also less likely to care about your dress size.

So then after I got done looking at those sites, I wandered back into my room in a daze, and my gaze fell to the bulletin board next to my bed, which is half-covered with glamour photos of Divine, in all his four-hundred-pound glory, and I felt like fucking crying.

I found this posted on a site called Ana's Underground Grotto. It's supposed to be "inspiring," or something, but I'm not sure where it originally came from, so for all I know it was really intended to be as sad as it is.

HUNGER HURTS, BUT STARVING WORKS

This is forever. I will do whatever it takes. I want to be thin more than anything, even food...

Starvation is fulfilling. Colors become brighter, sounds sharper, odors so much more savory and penetrating that inhalation fills every fibre and pore of the body. The greatest enjoyment of food is actually found when never a morsel passes the lips.

THIS IS NOT A DIET. IT IS A LIFESTYLE.

One day I will be thin enough. Just the bones, no disfiguring flesh. Just the pure clear shape of me, bones. That is what we all are, what we're made up of and everything else is just storage, deposit, waste. Strip it away, use it up.

You will be tempted quite frequently, and you will have to choose whether you shall enjoy the twenty minutes or so that you will be consuming excess calories, or whether you will cordially despise yourself for two or three days, for your lack of willpower.

Nothing. Nothing is wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You're strong, don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you.

Quod me nutrit, me destruit. (What nourishes me also destroys me.) The more [shit] they give me, the less [food] I'll eat.

Why can't they realize my strength? How much it's taken to make so little of myself

Most women live their lives in a state of starvation..Why should I be any different?

It's simple: You decide once and for all that you aren't going to eat, and then there is no further decision to make.

In the body, as in sculpture, perfection is attained not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

They always say they're concerned about me, about my health, when all they want to do is control me. They want to pin me down and force-feed me with lies, with what they call love. Like prisoners everywhere, all I have left is the power to refuse.

I do eat normally: only what is needful for survival. I can't help it that we live in a piggish society where gluttony is the norm, and everyone else is constantly stuffing themselves.

When I wake, I'm empty, light, light-headed. I like to stay this way, free and pure, light on my feet, traveling light. For me, food's only interest lies in how little I need, how strong I am, how well I can resist, each time achieving another small victory of the will.

Like a plant, surely the body can be trained to exist on nothing, to take it's nourishment from the air.

When you coast without eating for a significant period of time, and you are still alive, you begin to scoff at those fools who believe they must eat to live. It is blatantly obvious to you that this is not true.

Food hinders your progress.

We turn skeletons into goddesses, and look to them as if they might teach us how not to need.

THIS IS FOREVER. I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. I WANT TO BE THIN MORE THAN ANYTHING, EVEN FOOD.

How many pounds till I am happy, how many pounds till I get thin? Three more pounds till I am skinny, three more pounds and I win!

You've made a decision: you will NOT stop. The pain is neccessary, especially the pain of hunger. It reassures you that you are strong, can withstand anything.

You can learn to love anything, I think, if you need to badly enough. I trained myself to enjoy feeling hungry. If my stomach contracts, or I wake up feeling nauseated, or I'm light-headed or have a hunger headache, or better yet, all of the above, it means I'm getting thinner, so it feels good. I feel strong, on top of myself, in control.

There is no TRY. There is only DO.

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