abwhite
blandman
btchelicious
cindie-loo
d-crash
darrylzero
deathblossom
golfwidow
heidiann
maticus
minidragon
mollyx
mr-sparkles
pirategirl
pitty-sing
squirrelx
tankgirl455
tattodnanny
vyv-xx
whatiwas
zantimisfit

diaryquotes
fleeting-gem
fuckmeharder
oddgoogle
peteandray
puckle
sexisviolent
troubledteen
twelvebeer
whyihateyou

daemondreams
fridge-love
matsoncrack
postcard-loo
studio-loo
t-shirt-loo

I can't wait until I have my own place so that I can start living like I want to. I just sit and fantasize sometimes about all the cool shit I'm going to have, and how everything in my apartment is going to be set up, and how little food will be available to me, because I'll be spending all my money on books and DVDs and thrift store clothing.

I will have so many books it will blow your mind. I'm going to have bookshelves in every single room in my house. I'm even going to have a little shelf in the bathroom with books for people to read while they're on the shitter. Even now, I sometimes look at the books on my shelves and plan which ones would make the most amusing additions to my bathroom library. I've already decided to put everything by John Waters, Lloyd Kaufman and Dave Barry in there, as well as my Pop-Up Book of Phobias, Sex Tips From a Dominatrix and pretty much every book I own that is an Encyclopedia of something or other, such as The A to Z Encyclopedia of Serial Killers, and The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices.

In the kitchen, my cookbooks will be prominantly displayed. I am already assembling an extremely impressive collection of cookbooks, which includes several bartending guides, and some pamphlets that are devoted exclusively to cataloguing the various uses of one specific name-brand product, such as Crisco. I also really need one of those big, orange Betty Crocker cookbooks, although I don't have one yet. Incidentally, I'm even working on my own cookbook, called The Book of Weird and Obscure Movie and TV Recipes.

I even plan which groceries I'm going to buy. Like every time there's a food reference in a book or a movie or a short story or anything, I make a mental note of it so that I can remember to buy it when I'm living on my own, and just keep it in the cupboard, as a reference to some film or literary article that only I am familiar with. I'm also going to make a point of regularly purchasing inexplicable Americana-type products such as Spam and Miracle Whip. My assortment of herbal teas will be legend, and I will make sure to have several tea pots, and hopefully a tea kettle with a little rooster head at the end of the spout. I'm also going to buy one of those old metal first-aid kits that hangs on the wall, and use it to house a collection of novelty toiletry items. Like once I saw a box of pills that will supposedly prevent you from getting radiation poisoning. And I'm going to keep a bottle of Horny Goat Weed in there as well. And a bottle of Breck's shampoo. And other stuff like that.

Also, I'm going to buy a fucking huge-screen TV, which I'm sure will be affordable in a few years, once everybody else has been brainwashed into shelling out thousands of dollars for those stupid plasma TVs. I'm going to stick the TV and the two VCRs and the Laserdisc player and the Region Free DVD player in a room all by themselves (except for some couches and chairs and shit, and a bunch of shelves for DVDs and videos, and also I decided that I'm going to set the TV on top of a dresser so that I can keep the drawers filled with porn tapes) and I'm going to tape up all the windows so that no light can get in, and cover the walls with movie posters and autographed headshots of all the pseudo-celebrities that I worship.

Oh God, the shit I will have on my walls. I'm going to just buy the most random shit at flea markets and thrift stores and whatnot and put it all up, and just not even give a fuck. I'll get people I know to draw shit for me. There will be clocks and calendars in every room, just so that I can have the pleasure of choosing and purchasing a whole bunch of them. Ashtrays will be everywhere, even if I don't smoke.

Other stuff: Old fashioned metal signs in the kitchen that say things like "Hot Eats" and "Drink Pepsi" and whatnot, and ideally, a neon sign in there as well; a sign on the door to the bathroom, identifying it as a bathroom; a dildo collection, most likely displayed in the living room, or some other communal area; religious candles and incense burners everywhere; a giant bulletin board somewhere; filing cabinets in a room where they would not, at first glance, appear to be neccessary; homemade bookcases made out of boards and cinderblocks, which I conveniently already have.

I realize that I'll also have to have a job in order to afford all this, but whatever, it can't be any worse than when I was going to school every day.

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